The pain..does it ever go away?

They say time heals all... maybe it does maybe it doesn't, all that could depend on the cause of your pain.

Last night I read a friend's blog, and I can't even describe how I felt when I was done reading it. In last few years she has lost a number of family members, yet when you meet her she has a larger than life personality.

I met her a month ago , and I liked her instantly...don kno what it is about her , but I was drawn to her spirit and her confidence.It was during a random conversation that he mentioned that her mom was late. I of all people know, you do not dig into the circumstances surrounding the loss of a parent.You wait and listen for the person to tell you more. If they choose to give you more info, that's fine , if not that is fine too. So while I read her blog I realized she lost her dad and grandmother too, all in the last couple of years.

Then I was reminded of the time when I lost my best friend, my dad.He died seven years ago. I cannot even put in words how I felt when I was told he was gone, leaving me with my last memory of him, the hug and words of advice couples with a few errands as I left the motherland for a world so new and unknown to me. Right then when I got that dreaded phone call, my hopes of a surprise visit to him, were shattered, oh how I had imagined his joy as his little gal came home. Instead when my aunt called me to tell me her brother was late, I held on to that silver portable phone,asked her questions surrounding his death...he had been sick, having been in and out of comas at one point, but just days before I'd called him, and he'd told me not to worry, he was feeling much better and gaining his strength back, to the point where he said he could walk up to the gate and back without sitting for a moment, to catch his breath. Aunt also told me that she was going to drive down from the States that Easter weekend , with her family to be with me, and I remember asking her where they were going to live, and making parking and all sorts of arrangements.Up until that point I'd heard what she had told me , but the loss I had just experienced hadn't registered in my head. When the converstion was over and my room mate and the lady she was braiding expressed their condolences, it hit me ...when Auntie was talking about her brother , she'd been talking about my father. At that moment I wished for an earthquake, because up until that day , all I ever did was so that my father would be proud, so how was I supposed to live my life without the very person who inspired me to give my very best?

So fast forward to now, 7 years later. I still have moments when I think of him and I weep, as hard as I did then. Then I have moments where I can talk about his death, without shedding a tear. I also have moments where during converstions with relatives or family friends, they will mention how they remember him as a funny person, an intelligent , kind hearted man, full of business ideas, then I am a nervous wreck , and they are left feeling guilty. So for me some years have been harder than others. I cannot say that time heals all, because death is like having a wound that just won't heal. All I know is that I miss my earthly father dearly, and I know that I can't ever give myself the right to tell someone who has lost a parent that I know how it feels, because I would be lying. I may have an idea of what they are going through. Though our loved ones may be absent in flesh they are present in our hearts, and in our spirits and in the memories we shared with them. I rest assured in 2 things...that I heavenly father who loves me unconditionally and in the hope of seeing and being re-united with all those loved ones we've lost in the journey of life.