The wind beneath my wings...

A coupla months ago I was watching some awards on BET, must have been the BET awards and there was a tribute to the late Gerald Levert by Gladys Knight, Eddie Levert, Pattie Labelle and Yolanda Adams. The sang " the wind beneath my wings" and it was just moving.

So a few days ago I discovered I had a lump in my right breast, and I went panic crazy. I told a few close friends and 2 family members. I was going to try and forget about this whole ordeal secretly hoping that maybe it was a bad dream , and I'd soon wake up from it. The more I tried to put myself in denial the more it affected me. After a full day of torture, considering I hardly slept the night I made my discovery I decided to go to my Doctor and am yet to go for an ultrasound.
I cry a lot these days and mainly its because of the fear of the unknown. Up to this point in my life I've always said the hardest thing I ever had to go through was dealing with the death of my father... but this surely takes the cup. In all this I kinda lost focus and forgot I was meant to fly.

At this point in time I have a broken wing but am still flying and wat's keeping me in the air is the support and friends and my family.They have been the wind beneath my wings with all their encouraging conversations, emails and prayers and though I am not flying as high as I usually do i am still flying thanks to them , and I am sure whateva the outcome is I will still soar because I have a strong team rooting for me, and one way or the other my broken wing will heal, and nothing will keep me down because I was meant to fly!.

The windows to my soul....

I took this picture yesterday. I must say all this is a day overdue, I wanted to blog last night but just wasn't up for it ... the mind was will, but the body including my fingers were tired.

I got my hair done yesterday and took this picture for a friend in Aussie to see how long my hair is now, I must say I was shocked myself because just last year in July I had a haircut and now it looks like I never cut my hair.

They say the eyes are a the windows to your soul. Take a good look into those eyes and tell me what you see. Do you see a happy soul or a sad one, or its just inconclusive? When I look at this picture it seems to me one could easily conclude I am happy, my eyes looked alive and that slight smile added to it.

Well looks can be decieving, yesterday I cried twice and almost three times.

The first time I cried because my birthday is coming up and it will be a bittersweet celebration. It will be a farewell to a good friend too. She is leaving for SA to join her hubby, u see ever since they got married they never lived together right from the onset things didn't go well. Her family ddin't want her to get married, they tried everything to stop the wedding but in the end the 2 were one and no man could put them asunder. Then dude lost his travel documents and when he went to the embassy they questioned him and denied him the necessary documentation.

Its been eight months since that happened and in those eight months she has tried everything to get her hubby to join her, and you would think the family would back off but no they have still tried to cause disharmony . I cried because I do not think I could never have come as far as she has in all this... then again you neva know wat you are capable of until u are caught up in that situation , and God neva gives you more than you can bear. I cried also because I can never comprehend how your family can say they love you, and want to rob you of your happiness? And not only go that far but go to the extent of saying harmful things about you? I cried because I will miss my frend, and change is said to be good but a scary thing and she is going to sort of start her life again.

The second time I cried was because I made a shocking discovery. I will get into detail about that on some other blog. I have decided I will address this sometime after my birthday, because as it is too many emotions flying around, and because I do not want to be a party pooper , I will drop this bomb later, and don worry it aint no bun in the oven so you can breathe.

So look at that picture again ... would you have imagined that I went through a lot of emotions yesterday. My conclusion is this that eyes are the windows to the soul only when you know how to read them. To date i have only 2 people tell me that i hide a lot behind my smile and that only the 4 walls of my home and God can only identify with the heaviness in my soul. So many times I feel my smile is like the purpose of makeup - to accentuate our good features so that they stand out and make our less desirable ones go unnoticed. My smile has been like an accessory - not to say when I smile I do not do it from the heart, but people tend to lose focus on my beautiful eyes and are always taken by my showstopping smile. So nansi ke isiqokoqela sendaba yikuthi looks are deceiving, and I am blessed to be a black woman because i can go through so many storms and still manage to look fab.